Metaphoric Hate....Coroneus, Wake.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Kahlua Finds Religion

Religion was a little toad living in Lake Puddlepoo just outside Fuzzlingtoune, capital of Frumpkynnland. Something was wrong with his life, but he didn't quite know what. He couldn't remember.

Religion didn't know this, but Lake Puddlepoo didn't really contain water. It had a dull greyish fluid called milk of amnesia - it made anyone who entered it forget. And they forgot till they left the lake and spent a good bit of time outside it, before the effect wore off. But not too many people remembered to do that. Religion was confused. He'd forgotten why.

The Supermundane Entities lived on Coy Lass Hill. They were generally under the impression that they controlled the universe. No one corrected them because no one knew about them. Which was a bit of a shame, really, because they were fairly nice chaps once you got to know them a little better - in a mundane sort of way. One of the things they thoroughly dissapproved of, though, was what they perceived as aimlessness in a race. The Frumpkynns, while a fairly mild and harmless tribe, seemed to be a little too happy and carefree and generally aimless for their liking. They went about their daily affairs without too much of a fuss and in the evenings, got drunk on muckleberry juice. They had their art and their music and enjoyed it a lot, though a lot of people preferred to think of Crap Music as the auditory equivalent of cleaning out one's nose in puddles of excrement. The Supermundane Entities thought this was absolutely preposterous behaviour. No race had a right to such a joyous and misdirected existence.

And so the slimy little toad, Religion was dispatched to Fuzzlingtoune to bring about some sense of order. Religion was a smart toad, even though he was only half an inch high and smelt like the back of a damp bush one week after a hurried visit from a pack of wild dogs each with their own take on violent indigestion. He had a lot of tricks up his sleeve to disrupt the immoral and unacceptable lifestyle of the Frumpkynns. But first, he needed to soothe his nerves after the long journey from Coy Lass Hill. What better way than to relax his intestines in this dull looking lake outside town and wallow in it for a while? Maybe even get a drink or two, while he was about it.

And so Religion sat, confused and disoriented under a leaf just outside Lake Puddlepoo, trying to remember what the purpose of his life was. That was where Kahlua found him.